Advertisements

The Key to Fixing The Middle East To Be Decided Over Thanksgiving Dinner at the McClure’s in Manchester, New Hampshire


“What the United States needs to do…” was uttered, and so began the breakthrough ideas set to fix all problems in the Middle East this Thanksgiving at the McClure’s house in Manchester, New Hampshire.

The plan was not to fix a complicated multi-cultural, international dilemma that has seen numerous proposed solutions and countless failures and setbacks. The plan was to enjoy some turkey and hopefully avoid conversations about how much weight Chelsea had gained, despite her still unsolicited diet advice to everyone at the table. But this soon shifted as an awkward silence in conversation occurred at the very moment a news story broke about a downed Apache Helicopter in Afghanistan.

There it was, the weight of the world placed into these delicate hands of an unknown family in New England.  Papa Ken started it off.  “What the United States needs to do…” and before you knew it, everyone was chiming in.  When someone suggested something so stupid like god damn diplomacy, the newborn began to cry. She knew that was fucking stupid.

By the time pumpkin pie rolled around, the solution had been set.  But as the tryptophan began to kick in and most were lulling to sleep, the McClures decided to withhold the plan from “those terrorists” and if they wanted it, they could pry it from “their cold, dead hands.”

U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

Advertisements
%d bloggers like this: