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Americans Still Giving So Many Fucks About the Obama Administration’s Recent Scandals


The Obama Administration has had more than its fair share of scandals in recent months.  A recent poll is showing that the American public gives so many fucks about the scandals that it’s insane.

The NSA wiretapping scandal, the release of records stating over 3,000 people were killed by drone strikes last year, the IRS targeting of Obama’s denouncers, the ATF “Fast and Furious” scheme, amongst numerous other stories, have only increased the amount of fucks Americans are giving about their President.  “Every time I hear of a new scandal, I give, like, double the fucks than normal,” stated Preschool Teacher, Aaron Klatt.  “Sometimes it feels like I can’t give any more fucks, but somehow I always find more fucks to give.”

A recent poll done by somebody somewhere stated that people give, on average, twenty-seven thousand fucks per year, but that number is only rising.  “People don’t forget these scandals immediately, Mr. Hussein Obama!” stated French Press connoisseur Jacque Blackman.  “Every day I give fucks, and every day Obama learns that Americans won’t take this lightly, and won’t forget these things probably a day or two after it happens.  No sir.”

Still no word on how many shits were not given during Obama’s second term.

 

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Newt Gingrich – Sexiest Man Alive


Finger lickin' good

Oh em gee, after much deliberation, Rawful News has finally chosen their coveted ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ spot.  And this year, the first year, goes to Newt Gingrich.  How could you resist this cutie?  He LITERALLY has the sexiness of two men combined.  Just look at the size of him.  There are obviously two men inside that hunk of human.  Both of which are definitely sexy.  He definitely puts the ‘man’ in ‘human.’

His conquests with women should be legend, though they are rarely discussed.  He was first married in 1962.  And it wasn’t to just anybody.  It was with his former twenty six year old high school geometry teacher whilst he was nineteen.   Only a true motha fuckin’ p-i-m-p could pull that off.  But that wouldn’t be the end of his sexual conquests.  In 1980, Gingrich left his wife for the woman he was cheating on her with.  She claims he asked to discuss the terms of their divorce while she was in the hospital recovering from chemotherapy.  That takes balls.  Not just two balls.  But two massive balls.  It’s not wonder he gets a lot of women.  His confidence is through the roof.

All seemed to be fine in the world of Mr. Gingrich.  He was sitting pretty in Washington, waiting to become the Speaker of the House when he began another affair with a congressional staffer twenty three years his junior.  He left his second wife and married this one instead.  Mr. Gingrich has 99 problems but a bitch is definitely one of em.

Not only is he rolling in females, he is also rolling in the proverbial dough.  He reportedly was paid 1.6 million dollars in fees as an “historian” from Freddie Mac, the mortgage giant who received billions of bailout dollars after the financial crisis of 2008.  All the while, Gingrich was calling for Obama to give Americans back all of the money he had given to Freddie Mac.  Again, HUGE BALLS.  Women love money.  And he’ll never be without it.

Newt Gingrich is a giant amongst men, in stature and presence.  And that is why this sexy son of a bitch is receiving the title “Sexiest Man Alive.”  Have at him ladies.  There’s plenty to go around.

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