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D.C. Mayor Wants Redskins’ Name to be Changed To the Savages.


What is happening in this picture?

After numerous years of scrutiny, the mayor of Washington D.C. has decided to change the name of the Washington Redskins.  The name, if passed, will be the Washington Savages.

For years, the name Redskins has been shouted at countless sporting events.  Many Americans forget the racism that follows this word.  “A Redskin is not a name we choose to identify ourselves with,” said someone who could easily be mistaken for a Mexican, Chief Jonawopano.  “That is something our invaders used to identify us with.  It is like,” looks all around, “calling a black person the n-word.  You wouldn’t name a national sports team the ‘n-words’ would you?!”  Fair points.  To get the other side of the story, we talked to a local D.C. resident to find out his take on the story.

“I don’t think they should change their name,” stated 47 year old data analyst.  “Are you kidding me?!  Do I really need to tell you why?!  They’ve always been named the Redskins.  You just want to change history?  And we don’t think about Indians when we say Redskins anymore.  It’s like calling a gay person a ‘fag.’  It’s like, der, get over it.  Am I right?” he said as he dropped half a turkey club sandwich on the ground.  Not to worry though as he picked it up, brushed it off, and finished that bad boy.  There are numerous sides to the story.  But one thing is certain.  We could not find any more Native Americans to interview.

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Local Man’s Most Recent DMV Experience Was Not So Bad


scoose me sur cahn ay help yu?

For years, Americans have complained about their DMV experiences.  But recently, a local man named Eric Ericson had an experience at the DMV that he claimed was “not so bad.”

The DMV is famous for bad experiences.  Local, state, and the federal government are aware of the problem.  Much like the employees of the DMV, they are indifferent.  Long waits, lost paperwork, unhelpful workers all lead to disastrous experiences.  But Eric Ericson had quite the opposite day.  His day was just ok.  “Yeah I mean like it wasn’t the GREATEST day I’ve ever had,” said Ericson.  “But it wasn’t really that bad.”

“Normally I hear about such awful experiences.  Everyone on Facebook just bitches and complains about their time there.  Nothing was as bad as they made it out to be.”  This was in fact Eric’s first time inside the DMV as he used to rely on his parents’ money and efforts, but now they are dead.  Eric only waited in line for seven minutes.  He then sat in his chair where he began to read from his kindle, as white people are known to do, but only finished three pages before his ticket had been called.  He turned in his vehicle registration form and in three minutes he had his tags ready.  Eric only spent twenty minutes inside of the DMV.

He soon took so social media, as so many do post-DMV.  His post on Facebook was “Just left DMV.  Why’s everyone so serious?”  A few got the Joker reference, but most thought it was too soon.  Shortly after, Eric stated, “I’d say that if I had to go back, I would.”

Senior Al Qaeda Leaders Now Down to Group of Bullies at Local Afghani School


Yolo. Specially for these guys.

A recently leaked CIA document stated that Al Qaeda is down to a “group of bullies at a local Afghani school.”

The war on terror has not been kind to those whom the American government deem to be terrorists.  One such organization is Al Qaeda.  This well known terrorist organization’s once full ranks have since been depleted by the United States military.  With the initial invasions into both Iraq and Afghanistan, along with continued fighting, drone kills (4,000 and counting), Al Qaeda is now officially down to a group of bullies at a local Afghani high school calling themselves Al Qaeda.

“We have a watchful eye on the group,” stated a CIA senior official named Al Harris who asked not to be named.  “We have drones circling the area.  All we need is for them to slip up by giving some kid a noogie, wedgie, or swirly and shit will storm down.  The skies will open up, and it will destroy them.”  Unnamed Al Harris senior CIA operative from Sacramento, Ca also stated off the record that the American public will not be made aware when the last Al Qaeda scum were wiped from this earth.  That it will just happen.

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