NCAA Claiming Outreach to Those Driven Crazy By March Madness More Important Than T-shirt Gun Control

This is an over the counter, same-day t-shirt gun.

The NCAA is making headlines today, not with actual playing of sports, but with their controversial stances on tshirt gun control.  An NCAA Spokesperson stated today that “Tshirt gun control is not a problem.  We need better outreach to those suffering from March Madness.  That is it.”

March has become a month driven by insanity.  The insanity causes people to bet money on teams they have never heard of before, drink copious amounts of alcohol, experience short, explosive bursts of depression, and of course the use of t-shirt guns.  Many of those afflicted take to firing of t-shirt guns as an outlet for their anger or unrecognized feelings.  Sometimes people just want to see something destroyed.  By the crowd ripping it into pieces while fighting over the free shirt.  Injuries have plagued the “mad” crowds because of these t-shirt guns.

“They don’t even do any research to find out who will be shooting into the crowd,” stated recently injured San Diego State sophomore Alexia Ramirez.  “This black eye will forever change my life.  The pictures are already on Facebook.”  In fact, the NCAA has not done a single background check on those doing the firing.  And that is because the NCAA maintains that it is more important for colleges to have better outreach to those afflicted by March Madness than it is to ban t-shirt guns.  “T-shirt guns are a way of life,” said an NCAA spokesperson.  “They are as American as sports themselves.  Getting rid of them, or making sure they are used safely is only saying that you hope every sport ends and obesity takes over.  Is that what you want?  AN INCREASINGLY SEDENTARY LIFESTYLE?!  I’m sorry I yelled.”

American universities and the NCAA has been at odds for years, neither one willing to negotiate with the other.  For now, t-shirt guns are here to stay.


About Rawful News
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