Police Currently in the Process of Shooting Unarmed Man Until He is More Lead than Flesh

Just chillin’

For the past few hours, Baltimore police officers have been shooting a once fleeing assailant to the point that he will soon be more lead than flesh.

Nineteen year old Jeremy Kramer has come upon hard times. He could not afford to attend a four year university after high school like most of his friends, grew up in an abusive household, and fathered a child at the age of sixteen. Life has not been kind to him. In fact, for the past few months Jeremy Kramer has found himself on the streets, completely homeless. In an act of desperation, Jeremy took a plastic gun and attempted to rob a liquor store. After he had reportedly grabbed over elevevn dollars from the cash register and sprinted out, the cops were quickly called and the pursuit was on. It took the Baltimore PD all of fifteen minutes to catch up to the young hooligan. How did they do this you ask? With a hail of gunfire.

In fact, the perpetrator most likely passed away after the first bullet, most definitely by the first dozen. But the police were not satisfied with this. They decided to keep it going.  In fact they are in their seventh hour of shooting up the now VERY deceased assailant.  It is tough to say what parts of him are human any more and what parts are just lead replacements of his once recognizable features.  “We need to be sure,” stated Police Chief Jim Branten.  “He is still a threat.  Probably.  Whatever, I’m on my break.”

Rawful News will keep you posted as the story develops/whenever the bullets are done flying.


About Rawful News
I write satire and gossip. Check it out at Or Tweet me @Kendoggydog28

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