Mitt Romney Lets Slip He Would Totally “Bang America”

Mitt Romney let it slip during yesterday’s debate during a pissing contest with the President of the United States of America that he would totally “bang America.”

There were many debacles during tonight’s debate.  But there was one particular exchange between President Barack Obama and presidential hopeful Mitt Romney that is gaining attention.  An exchanged that resulted in Mitt Romney exclaiming to the crowd that he would totally “bang America.”  This is the conversation:


Now you see, our “President” here has not brought our economy up to the level he
said he would have it, and is not up to the level Americans deserve.  I know how to
run businesses and how to get this economy going again.  That is why I love this great
nation.  I love it more than life itself.  Unlike the current “President.”


Now what Governor Romney is proposing is that I don’t love America.  That is just false.
I love America.  I love it a lot.  It gets almost a little much sometimes.  Not like CREEPY
love, but like very attentive husband love.  Like what The View would consider a
good husband.  Something that seems unrealistic to most people, but I get it done.
My opponent is a little weird about thingswith America.  Like waiting outside the window
high school boyfriend type of weird.


Now what President-Shmesident Obama believes is absolutely false.  I am not weird
about things.  I just love America so much.  Often times my wife catches me crying
while thinking about America.  Now when you hear cry you probably think of a
normal cry.  No, this is a sob.  Tears streaming sob.


Now see, that is uhhhhh really weird.  When I cry about how much I love the United States,
it’s while I lift weights.  Or eat raw steak.  Or when Michelle is taking me to Pleasuretown USA.
You know, manly times to cry.  I highly doubt Governor Romney loves the United States
that much.  I dare you to prove otherwise.


How dare you sir!  To state that I do not care about the United States is to say
that I do not care about great things, like shootings, Lindsay Lohan, and The Beatles…


Beatles are British!  Check the transcript.


Well the point is moot.  In fact, dare I say, if the United States were a woman, I would totally
bang America.  I would bang America real good.  I would last at least thirty five whole
minutes.  I would be great.  She would be better.

Now to be fair, Governor Romney followed up with the press after the debate to clarify that he would “bang America,” but only if he had never married Ann and were married to America.  Those are the two stipulations.  Other than that he would “go crazy up in the Southern areas of the United States.”


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One Response to Mitt Romney Lets Slip He Would Totally “Bang America”

  1. How peculiar. says:

    Even though it doesn’t matter what I think since I am not an American and I won’t be voting, but both the president and Mitt Romney are incapable for presidency. Mitt Romney seems like another Bush but with more intellect and Obama seems like a person you could steer into anything. I feel like he’s the type to just clean everyone’s shit – cleaning up Bush’s shit.

    I don’t know, if I were American, I’d want a hobo as my president just to see what happens, just because they’re trying everything out there might as well try out a hobo for president, who knows maybe it’ll turn out great.

    Great things come from people deemed insignificant.

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