Unpeeling Orange in One Giant Chunk is the Highlight in Sad Man’s Life

Florida man Jack Pinkerton admitted to his family this past Thursday that favorite memory unpeeling an orange in one giant chunk.

Jack Pinkerton is not an exciting individual.  He is an accountant at a medium-grade accounting firm.  He has no wife or kids, lives in a subletted apartment with a college aged stoner, and under hobbies on his eHarmony site he listed “napping.”  So it came as no surprise to his family that he jokingly said “My highlight today was unpeeling this orange in one giant chunk.  Not like bits and pieces, but one whole chunk!”  The mood up until that point had been jovial.  But after that point, the tone turned dark.  “We knew he was having rough times,” said his mom of 46 years.  “But fuck man.  Get it together.”

After there was an awkward silence that reportedly felt like three years, dinner was served.  From the dinner table, Jack made at least nine references to the peeled orange.  “I mean I peeled an orange in one chunk the other day,” stated long time sister of Jack’s.  “I didn’t post it on my Facebook, Twitter, Tubbler, Instergrant, and whatever else he uses.”  The jokes included, but were not limited to, “bet that potato wasn’t peeled in one chunk,” “ask and ye shall be peeled,” and everyone’s favorite joke of the night “wow what does he/she think they peeled an orange in one chunk?  I think not.”

Jack has no plans to get his life together.  As of right now, he is a fully functioning member of society.  But he is reportedly just a fucking drag to be around.  But that only includes the opinions of his family and friends.


About Rawful News
I write satire and gossip. Check it out at Or Tweet me @Kendoggydog28

One Response to Unpeeling Orange in One Giant Chunk is the Highlight in Sad Man’s Life

  1. the hammer says:

    I think one of your advertisements triggered my web browser to resize, you might want to put that on your blacklist

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