Advertisements

Nations Elderly Caught Masturbating During ‘Hope Springs’ Showing


This week, the nation’s FBI reported that thousands of elderly Americans have been cited or arrested for indecent exposure during showings of the new Tommy Lee Jones and Meryl Streep flick.

The romantic comedy, or RomCom, came out recently with a decent showing at the box office, highlights an older couple looking to rekindle that flame, sexually and emotionally, they had during the first part of their marriage.  In doing so, their relationship has it’s ups and downs, many of which include reengaging sexually with each other.  This is reportedly a problem that afflicts almost every single elderly couple.  Their junk has stopped working, and to rekindle the flame they either need medication or an emotional overhaul.

“Many Americans have been foregoing medical treatment for their lack of sex drive and simply attending a screening of ‘Hope Springs,’ stated FBI Special Agent Kellen McSneller.  “We were hearing complaints about elderly couples being removed from the theatre for either masturbating or committing lude acts upon one another.  So we decided to put an FBI agent in every showing of the film.”  Since then over three thousand couples, six thousand people, have been arrested for committing lude and lascivious act in a public setting.

“So we have heard recently, going to jail is also helping these old fucks get their flame back.  We have to hose down the cells when they’re gone.  It’s a nightmare.”

Advertisements

About Rawful News
I write satire and gossip. Check it out at http://www.rawfulnews.com/ Or Tweet me @Kendoggydog28

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: