NFL Replacement Refs Celebrate a Job Well Done by Murdering Kittens

After finishing another game tonight achieving excellency, the replacement referees decided to treat themselves, by killing a bucket full of kittens.

There has been much talk about how the replacement NFL referees are doing.  It is a difficult job that faces constant scrutiny.  But on the other side of the coin there are millions of dollars bet on every single football game every single week.  So the bar should be set high for whoever chooses the path of a professional referee.  Luckily for the replacement referees, they have reached that bar.  They in fact, have made that bar their little bitch.  They have far surpassed everyone’s expectations and done even better than Americans thought.

All week long they had been looking for some kind of reward for their great efforts.  “I have been trying just so HARD,” stated replacement referee Ingle Brownstein.  “I either wanted to smash a bunch of dishes or kill a bunch of kittens.”  The NFL being the dream maker it is decided to round up a bucket full of kittens to surprise the referees if they finished Monday Night Football with no mistakes.

“We had been keeping a close eye on the game as we normally do not do,” stated Roger Goodell.  “We were worried they would get any of the calls wrong and got really worried about that tough last call.  But they definitely nailed it with flying colors.”  The bucket of kittens was delivered to all of the referees’ doorsteps completely unharmed.  So the referees could destroy them any way they wished.  Some beat them with sticks.  Some put the kittens in the garbage disposal.  Some just sat on their faces until they slowly lost all ability to breath.  “I could not believe it when I saw the kittens,” said another replacement referee Tag Newton.  “I knew I had done good when I got to smash those kittens.  Can’t wait to do good next week too.  By the way Thursday Night Football is stupid.”


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