All of the Americans That Won’t Vote Wait in Line for iPhone 5.

Every American that will not vote in this coming November General Election waited in line this week to buy the most important thing in everyone’s lives: an iPhone 5.

Every few years, Americans are given a choice that will change the free world as we know it, whether to upgrade to the next highest generation of iPhones or not.  It is a burden many are unable to deal with on a daily basis.  But for those who are brave enough, the lines formed a good forty-three hours before the iPhone was set to hit stores.  “I just know that this will be the most important decision I make this year,” stated 24-year old moocher Adam LeGaste.  “And it’s not even that iPhones are that important, just that there is nothing else that important happening this year.”

This sentiment was repeated down the line of twenty-somethings buying iPhones with their parents’ money.  Countless brave souls recounted the endless research they have done figuring out the differences between the iPhone 4/4s and the iPhone 5.  Figuring out how it would affect their personal bank accounts and affect their job growth and performance.  Even the accessibility of their wireless carrier.  “All in all I’d say I have spent days researching this phone,” stated another random sad sack in line.  When asked about the upcoming election the same person replied “Don’t fucking waste my time with those questions.  You see the upgraded Angry Birds game though?”


About Rawful News
I write satire and gossip. Check it out at Or Tweet me @Kendoggydog28

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