Republicans Fear That “Everyone is Probably Gay.”

Wouldn’t you like to foot tap the crap out of this guy?

This week, the GOP released a statement identifying their greatest fear is that “Everyone is probably gay.”

The Republican Party seems to fear a lot of things: communism, socialism, equality just to name a few.  But it turns out that their number one fear is that secretly everyone is just a gay pretending to be a straight.  Homosexual rights is somewhere near the forefront of American politics nowadays with most states legalizing same-sex marriage.  Even President Obama called for marriage equality, though he side stepped the problem by deferring to the states.  More and more Americans feel welcome in living their lives openly as a member of the LGBT Community.

But Republicans see it in a different light.  Many Republicans seem to believe that homosexual acceptance is leading to more and more Americans simply wishing to be a gay.  “We have had our sneaking suspicions for years,” stated RNC Chairman Reince Priebus.  “Every day more and more Americans turn gay.  One of these days the Republican party will wake up and realize we are the only ones who want to sleep with a woman anymore.  That is, besides lesbians.  Of course after we have married her.  The straight woman not the lesbian.  Where was I going with this?  Oh yes.  Everyone is probably gay besides those who choose to be a part of the Republican Party.  Vote Romney 2012.”

In the statement they also stated that “Homosexuality is the gateway to the devil, socialism, communism, atheism, racism, rapism, reverse rapism, and wine drinkers.  All things the Republican Party has sworn against.”  The RNC plans to publish a list of ways to keep from “gaying” yourself up in the coming weeks.  Stay tuned for those.  It should be good.


About Rawful News
I write satire and gossip. Check it out at Or Tweet me @Kendoggydog28

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