Supreme Court Still Mad They Missed Out on Janet Jackson’s Nip Slip.

In an 8-0 decision by the Federal Supreme Court today, they have ruled accidental moments of vulgarity or nudity will have no affect on the networks themselves after noting that they were all “so pissed [they] missed Janet Jackson’s nip slip during halftime of the Superbowl some years back.”

Many networks have been forced to pay numerous fines regarding random or accidental violations of the FCC’s codes.  The most notable of those fines came from the halftime of a Superbowl in 2004.  That incident was cited directly in the majority opinion written by Justice Stephens stating that “because I was not glued to my television during the halftime show I missed the accidental showing.  Every showing thereafter was blurred.  What the hell?!  There is nothing furthering a necessary government agenda by keeping a nipple out of my eyeline.  Especially a famous nip!”

All of the judges were obviously frustrated at the loss of nip slip air time.  Even Justice Ginsburg voted in favor of striking down the statute.  The nine that had been sitting on the Supreme Court bench at the time had gathered for a Superbowl bbq and drink-a-thon.  During the halftime show, Ginsburg began choking on a bean dip that was far too thick to, one- handle the chips they had provided, and two- to swallow in one bite.  The creepiest man at the party, Anton Scalia decided to take it upon himself to Heimlich the hell out of her.  “Everyone thought Scalia was just giving off his usual rapey vibe, but when Ginsburg spat out what seemed like a plate full of bean dip we understood he had saved her life,” stated Justice Kennedy.  “It wasn’t until later we realized she had been the reason we missed Janet’s beautiful nipple.”  In order to appease the men of the court, Ginsburg voted with the men.

“It’s been a shit storm for her since then,” stated Justice Thomas.  “She either owed us a new famous nipple, or this vote.”  Networks will no longer be punished for accidental expletives or accidental nip slips which is an incredible day for the men of our nation.

*At the conclusion of this article all of our staff writers will be sitting by the television just waiting…


About Rawful News
I write satire and gossip. Check it out at Or Tweet me @Kendoggydog28

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