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Coors Introduces Sippy Cup Beer Cans for Their Idiot Customers


Coors has introduced a new, revolutionary type of drink for their idiot customers: the sippy cup beer can.

For years, Coors has been gearing up for an event such as this.  First they made the cans that make the Rockies turn blue when they are cold enough to drink, because touching it is never enough.  Then they made the windows on the boxes to make sure people could see the blue Rockies on the cans.  Then they made the open mouth cans that allow for better flow of beer into the idiot customer’s mouth.  Because people have definitely never evolved to drinking out of a can.  Coors spent the past three years working on the new sippy cup beer cans for their customers to one-up themselves on efficiency of drunk.

“The sippy cup will allow drunkers to drink much more of our delicious beverage,” stated Coors spokeswoman Angela Handy.  “The sippy cup, along with the open mouth cans, allows for a much more enjoyable experience.  It has also taken down the average drunk time of forty five minutes to thirty two minutes.  A remarkable change by anyone’s standards.”  Coors sippy cups should reach shelves by July 4th.  This way they can reach all of the patriots by then who are looking to get drunk quick and fight someone.

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About Rawful News
I write satire and gossip. Check it out at http://www.rawfulnews.com/ Or Tweet me @Kendoggydog28

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