Athletes Trade Food Stamps Just to Afford Gatorade’s G Series

Look at all that shit

Should athletes receive monetary compensation for their time in collegiate sports?

That is the question that everyone who has enough time to ask these questions is asking. Sure many are receiving a free education, but they have very little time to earn money outside of school preparing them for a life without sports. Most will not be professional athletes earning millions of dollars.  But they will be adults who have countless hours at a craft they no longer practice and most likely no money saved up.  But the situation is worse than we thought.

Recently, it was revealed that hundreds of collegiate athletes have been receiving food stamps to simply make ends meet and get all of the Gatorade G series to drink, eat, chew, ingest every day before their practices.  Because if athletes cannot get their Prime 01, they won’t be able to receive enough pregame fuel.  If athletes cannot drink their Perform 02, there is no hope for quenching their thirst during the game.  And if they cannot ingest the Recover 03, they will certainly feel a sports hangover worse than anything ever felt before.

But all three of those products, every single day of practice (typically five to six times a week for most athletes) can burn a major hole in the pocket.  “The only way they can be afforded is to get yourself some food stamps and trade them for the G Series,” stated QB of the Carolina Panthers, Cam Newton.  “Now that I’m playing professional ball they gimme that shit for free.  FOR FREE!  Back in college I had to use food stamps.  Just the way it is.”

Even Tim Tebow admitted to having traded a few food stamps for the G Series.  “It is literally the only reason I can throw a ball as well as I do,” stated Tim Tebow.  “Without G Series, I could barely pick up an apple.  Now I can lob a football over twenty yards!”  The league is still attempting to figure out what the hell that whole Penn State situation was before they even look at the college player’s contracts with the school.  For now, these fresh young kids will need to score their G Series smack where ever and however they can.


About Rawful News
I write satire and gossip. Check it out at Or Tweet me @Kendoggydog28

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