Levi Johnston Caught Trying to Impregnate a Stuffed Animal

Everything is sexier in black and white

Levi Johnston, famous sperm donor, has been apprehended by the police for a lewd and lascivious act on a toy in the middle of a Wal-Mart.

At approximately 1:42 pm est, a woman made a complaint to the Wal-Mart Manager about a man who seemed to be “groping toys and breathing very heavily, kind of like a rapist would.”  But this complaint fell upon deaf ears as most complaints at Wal-Mart do.  So the ‘heavy breathing and gropings’ continued.

Eventually, one of the brave parents decided to hide in the next aisle and call the police who arrived shortly thereafter only to find that it was famed sperm donor Levi Johnston.  He had just finished as they heard him saying what the police are assuming is his catch phrase, “Another one bites the lust.”

Levi held a press conference the next day where he made a statement.  That statement goes as follows:

“I just really enjoy impregnating things.  When the police arrested me I had just finished finishing inside of a stuffed bear.  She was beautiful and deserved my seed.  It’s the miracle of life.  And it’s a miracle any girl, animal, or stuffed animal will let me put one in ’em.  As long as that trend continues, I shall take advantage of it with no remorse for those involved.  Look out world.  I’ma put my dick in you.”

No word as of yet when his trial date will be.  Sarah Palin has made no comment about the topic.  Bristol Palin tried to comment but we ignored her.


About Rawful News
I write satire and gossip. Check it out at Or Tweet me @Kendoggydog28

2 Responses to Levi Johnston Caught Trying to Impregnate a Stuffed Animal

  1. List of X says:

    Ok, I guess I’ll have to pay more attention to the volume of my breathing while at the gym. I would not want people to think that I am trying to impregnate the treadmill

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