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Republicans to Hold Round of Musical Chairs to Figure out Who Will be the Nominee


Pretty American looking chairs.

This race for the White House amongst the possible Republican nominees has become a bit of a spectacle.  No one knows when to drop out and everyone is determined to stay until the last possible moment.  So in a final act of desperation within the Republican Party, a round of musical chairs has been scheduled in order to figure out who should be named their nominee.

Instead of choosing via who has the person that has the most pledged delegates, or the views most in line with the Republican Party ideals, or who is the cutest/most electable, it will be decided by a game typically played by children who have eaten too much sugar to stay seated.  The choice will be made by whose butt is in the last seat.

Here’s how we think this will go down:

Ron Paul will be the first out.  His old, feeble stature will not allow for a quick passage around the chairs as a moat would a castle.  When the music stops, he will either have no chance of throwing himself towards the chair closest to him, or will break the second he hits the chair.  And let’s not think about whether or not Newt would land on him and smash him into powder.  Powdered milk.

Next out will be Newt Gingrich.  He is fat.  Fat people cannot move well either.  It will not be for lack of effort though.  He will either miss the point of where to sit completely or not get there in time.  He will then argue the validity of whether or not a game of musical chairs is valid enough to choose the next President.  Of course, this much we agree with.  *just got the shivers.*

Now the next and final round will be the most intense.  Now the stare down will be extremely tense and feel like the world is being slapped with oatmeal.  The two will circle like sharks.  Or maybe bottle nosed dolphins is a more apt description.  Here at Rawful News, we agree that Mitt will sit on the chair first but Santorum will literally cling to his back for so long and so hard that Mitt will have no choice but to declare Santorum his running mate.

Boom.

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About Rawful News
I write satire and gossip. Check it out at http://www.rawfulnews.com/ Or Tweet me @Kendoggydog28

2 Responses to Republicans to Hold Round of Musical Chairs to Figure out Who Will be the Nominee

  1. kickingsport says:

    Would need to select the music carefully, something to give the feeling of the impending doom that the winner could bring upon the world. The “Star Wars” march comes to my mind for unknown reasons.

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