Everything is Covered in Feces. Everything.

A recent study done by San Diego State University proves all our worst fears have been realized.  Literally everything has feces on it.

In a 12 month double blind study (whatever that means) members of SDSU’s Ph.D. Biology program tested everything for feces, otherwise known as “poopoo” or “doodoo.”  “It really seemed like we were hearing about a new thing that has traces of poop on it every couple of months,” stated Ph.D. candidate Bob Newhart (no relation).  “Doorknobs, cell phones, tooth brushes, movie theatre seats, hotel bedsheets.  They all had feces.  So we thought, ‘Maybe everything has doodoo on it.'”

And that’s exactly what they proved.  Children’s toys, apples, door hinges, light bulbs, mirrors, salad bowls, tequila, every single tweet all had trace amounts of crap on it.  Because we are all disgusting animals just farting, rubbing, and pooping everywhere, everything apparently has just a little bit of shit on it.  So wash your hands, or leave the bathroom with pants still on the ground.  It does not matter.  You are covered in shit.


About Rawful News
I write satire and gossip. Check it out at Or Tweet me @Kendoggydog28

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