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Candidates’ Superbowl Predictions


As most of you probably know, except for the hermits, the Superbowl was yesterday.  The New York Giants defeated the New England Patriots for the second time in five years to become the World Champions.  But what is more important, is who the candidates were endorsing for the win.  Here is a list of who each candidate believed would win and why.

Newt Gingrich – “Patriots win 1,000,000 to nothing.  And that is because no one can beat an American Patriot.  In fact, in opposing a Patriot you become a terrorist.  Congratulations New York Giants, you just made the no fly list.”

Mitt Romney -We searched through hours of transcript of Romney trying to deliver an answer and here is what we have collected so far. ” Both teams have their merits.  One has a great defense one has a great offense.  You need both an offense and a defense to win games and, well, both of those teams have those things.  Special teams too.  Don’t forget about them.  Because they’re much like this coal miner I met before I fired him…”  That’s pretty much all we could stomach.

Rick Santorum – “I am going for the New England Patriots because when I hear the Giants, I think about the San Francisco Giants.  San Francisco is where the gays live.  Gay is not the way.  Go Patriots.”

Ron Paul – “Well I believe the Giants will win because of their excellent pass rush.  Also because media and corporate giants always win with the system we have set up.  Let me tell you about my economic plan for this nation…”  That was about the time we cut him off to find out what his favorite snack is.  Goldfish.

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About Rawful News
I write satire and gossip. Check it out at http://www.rawfulnews.com/ Or Tweet me @Kendoggydog28

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