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Newt’s Daughter Becomes Ill. Put up for Adoption.


This past Tuesday, a report came out from Newt Gingrich’s daughter Kathy Gingrich Lubbers, that she had taken ill.  The report stated that “it was nothing to worry about, it was just a common cold.  But she would be missing a few appearances so she could recover.”  Another separate but very related report came out from Newt Gingrich’s camp saying that “Newt will soon be filing papers effectively disowning his eldest daughter Kathy.”

An associate close to the father-daughter duo said that after hearing of Newt’s plans, Kathy quickly called her father to ask “What the fuck do you mean disowning me?”  Newt gave her the run around for about fifteen minutes until he basically told her that they needed a clean break.  Also that they could have an open parenthood allowing him to have other children.  Kathy replied that he can already have other children.  That’s why she has a sister.  But Newt thought it was ridiculous anyone was questioning him in the first place.  She also attempted to reason with him saying that she simply had a common cold, not something as extreme as cancer or multiple sclerosis.  But Newt simply put fingers in his ears and sang an unknown song until Kathy gave up and hung up.

Many have said that Newt lacks the moral character to be President.  But isn’t it possible that he just dislikes things that are weak?  We can only hope that if he does become President of the United States, that America does not come down with anything like a depression.  Because that means Newt will bone the fuck out.

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About Rawful News
I write satire and gossip. Check it out at http://www.rawfulnews.com/ Or Tweet me @Kendoggydog28

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