Ron Paul’s Key Demographic: Creepy Uncles.

Each of the Republican candidates needs to know who is in their key demographic. Newt has the far right. Mitt has the Mormon vote. Jon Huntsman has his dad. But who does that leave for poor old Ron Paul? The creepy uncles.

You know them. I know them. Everyone’s got one. The uncle who stands just a little bit too close. He gives you savings bonds for your birthday that will mature in thirty years to thirty five dollars. He talks about his sexual conquests too much though you are pretty sure he has never talked to a woman before. This demographic, a recent poll shows, is overwhelmingly planning to vote for Ron Paul in the 2012 Primaries. Ninety-five percent of creepy uncles have put their full weight behind the presidential hopeful. “Yeah I’ll put my weight behind Ron Paul if you know what I mean…*cackling laugh* But seriously I really agree with his ideas.” We wanted to interview the creepy uncles we met more, but honestly all of their houses smelled of cedar and hard candies. So we decided to get out of there as soon as possible. But while we were sprinting out of there with reckless abandonment each one of them shouted “He looks exactly like me! That’s really all that matters to me!” And isn’t that what’s really important to everyone when looking for a candidate?


About Rawful News
I write satire and gossip. Check it out at Or Tweet me @Kendoggydog28

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