Man Has Mobile Devices Surgically Attached to Hands

More permanent than a tattoo.

We are in the age of singularity folks. For those of you that don’t know, singularity is a term that refers to humans and technology become increasingly intertwined until one day we become one in the same. There, we all up to speed? Good. Well the singularity is not supposed to occur for a few years yet, but apparently impatience hit this year. Because one man has taken measures to achieve the singularity first.

Brian Bilson is that man. This past week, Bilson age 27, underwent an experimental procedure to have two of his mobile devices surgically attached to his hands. “I always have them in my hands anyways. This saves time and effort. Instead of clutching them with all of my strength or keeping them in my pocket, I just made the switch to surgical implants. And let’s face it, only douches put them in their holster. Haha am I right folks?” He then proceeded to try and high-five us. But in doing so we broke his iPhone.

We hunted down his doctor to find out why he would take part in such a ridiculous operation. His name is Alfred Levine and this is what he had to say: “Brian is a visionary. He came to me with an idea that I knew would be groundbreaking for both doctors and non-doctors (Brian leaves room to charge his hands). Ok now that he’s gone I can tell you. He paid me three hundred thousand dollars in a briefcase. How can you say no to money in a briefcase?”

So now Bilson has an iPhone attached to his right hand and a Blackberry attached to his left hand. He also stated that in the future he’d like to get a recording device attached to his ears, an iPad to his stomach, and a flash drive attached to his penis. The last one is pretty much self explanatory.


About Rawful News
I write satire and gossip. Check it out at Or Tweet me @Kendoggydog28

One Response to Man Has Mobile Devices Surgically Attached to Hands

  1. Allison says:

    Like the blog

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