Congress Declares that Lamps are Animals.

Animal Lamp in action

Congress has been making some pretty outlandish statements lately.  They’re supposed to be the most sensible and rational humans of the nation.  But they are recently the geniuses behind the ruling “corporations are people,” and “pizza is a vegetable.”  Yep, look it up.  Pizza is now a vegetable.  But they have taken it one step too far this time.  They have recently decided that lamps are animals.

Here is the transcript of the speech given in favor of the measure:

“People love lamps.  People love animals.  Both make us happier.  One because of companionship, and one because of light.  Sometimes they annoy us.  Some because they won’t listen to our orders.  Others because they are too bright when we turn them on in the middle of the night.  I’m starting to forget what we are talking about.  Does anyone smell burgers?” said the senior Senator from Utah.

Now here is the transcript of the speech given against the measure:


That’s because there wasn’t one.  Every single member of Congress voted for the measure.  Speaker Boehner asked reporters after the session “Why not?  It’s not like anything we do really affects the American public.”  Decent point Speaker Boehner.

The 21st Century has been an interesting one thus far.  And Congress has made it that much more interesting by making businesses into people, junk food into healthy food, and now lamps into animals. Oy vey!


About Rawful News
I write satire and gossip. Check it out at Or Tweet me @Kendoggydog28

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