Condoleezza Rice Has a Tail

Testifying that her tail is about "this long"

Condoleezza Rice, our former Secretary of State, has released a tell-all book called No Higher Honor.  This book talks about her life in the Bush Administration.  While there are many interesting anecdotes throughout this book, one sticks out more than the rest.  Literally.

Condoleezza admits to having been born with a tail.  Yes that’s right.  You read it here in the cliffnote version of her book first.  Condoleezza Rice has a tail.  Take a minute.  Let it sink in.  You still with us?  Good.  She was born with a birth defect that doctors refer to as a “fucking tail.”  It measures about three inches in length and one inch around.  It unfortunately has an artery in it and despite the many advances in modern medicine, the attempts to find a cure for tails has not yet begun work.

In her new, recently released book, she discusses her time working for the Bush Administration.  For those that can remember back that far, know that Ms. Rice was a heavy proponent of all Bush administration’s policies.  But she’s saying there was more than meets the eye to those situations.  Apparently she disagreed 100% with every single idea the Bush/Cheney duo had but was unable to speak out about it.  Why you ask?  Great question, but don’t interrupt.  Maybe if you were patient I would have told you anyways.  Sheesh.  Apparently, the well kept secret just happened to be seen by George W. Bush when he was checking out her backside as she bent over to grab some dropped papers.  Her shirt came up and revealed the tiny tail.

“Oh my Texas Jesus!” President Bush exclaimed.  From that moment on, she was at his will.  He blackmailed her (and we’re not saying that because she’s black) into going along with all of his ridiculous ideas, like punishing children for not doing as well in school by cutting their funding, or going into Iraq for weapons that did not exist.  “I knew these plans were ridiculous and would only send our hurt nation spiraling downward uncontrollably.  But what could I do?  Tell everyone about my tail?  They’d make fun of me!” states Ms. Rice.

But now she has come to terms with the fact that she is a freak and will never be accepted by society for both pushing policies that Americans are still attempting to recover from, and from having an extremely disgusting tail on her lower back.  We’d have respected her more for having a tramp stamp than that disgusting thing.  Freak.


About Rawful News
I write satire and gossip. Check it out at Or Tweet me @Kendoggydog28

One Response to Condoleezza Rice Has a Tail

  1. Rob Rubin says:

    Excellent! I knew something had to be up with her. I mean she seems like a smart lady, so I knew Bush and Cheney had to have had something on her.


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