Scientists Discover Why We Have Twitches

Check out that science

Have you ever had that annoying and erratic twitch in your leg or under your eye that won’t go away?  You rub it, you flex it, you’ll even punch it sometimes but to no avail.  Science has been stumped as to why these little ticks appear randomly around our bodies for no apparent reason.  Well science has finally figured that shit out.

It turns out, in a study done by some hospital located in Somewhere, Merica about the causes and effects of twitches, they are actually little signals from your body telling you to “please just fucking move around.”  Americans are famously lazy and obese.  Our sedentary lifestyles are a major contributing factor to this downfall.  And as time goes on our bodies develop resistances or give us notices that we either need or do not need something.  That is why we feel hunger or nervous or aches and pains.  It is our body letting us know we need food, or are in a situation that requires more attention, or should stop putting so much stress on an area of the body.  That is what twitches are.

To figure this out, they had a study involving 100 different Americans where they simply observed them in their natural habitat.  And of course each one of them had 189 censors placed all over their bodies to make sure they did not miss any twitches.  It turned out that the fatter and lazier people were the only ones to experience twitches.  When the scientists looked closer at the twitches they thought it would be funny to see what it would make in Morse code.  So they found the last human on Earth that knows Morse code.  It turned out there was a distinct code.  Bodies were Morse coding “please just fucking move around” over and over again.

But there was one difference in the twitches.  Lower and upper eyelid twitches code something a little different.  The message they repeat is “please just read a fucking book.”  Our eyes are constantly moving because of blinking, so the scientists knew there had to be a difference between eye twitches and, say, butt cheek twitches.  Our eyes are craving better stimulation than the simply shiny things we see on television.  Currently, scientists are working on a cure for this need to “move” and “read.”  But who knows, we may never find a cure.


About Rawful News
I write satire and gossip. Check it out at Or Tweet me @Kendoggydog28

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