Dennis Kucinich Reportedly Being Bullied By All of Congress.

Pobrecito. (Spanish)

Congress is known for many things, not getting work done, taxes, suits, sex scandals.  Nothing really good.  Except for suits.  But now they are known for another thing: bullying.  Dennis Kucinich recently told reporters that he has been picked on relentlessly by Democrats and Republicans alike.  Noogies and wedgies are not an uncommon day for him during their Congressional sessions.

Dennis Kucinich, representative for Ohio’s 10th District, does not quite look as ‘manly’ and prototypically American as some others like Mitt Romney or Rick Perry.  Kucinich stands but 5 ft 6 in tall.  Does not have broad shoulders, his ears are practically prophesized by the Mayans, and at times he somewhat resembles a gremlin.  It is very clear that even if he were to walk into a high school as he stands today, he would still be picked on despite the fact that he is in his sixty’s and a congressman.

For most, bullying ends after high school, or at the latest after college, for those incredibly nerdy kids.  But for Congressman Kucinich, the bullying has gone on for the better part of his life.  “I know bullying is terrible.  Hell I’ve written legislation on the topic,” said New Jersey Democrat Rush Holt, “but it’s just too easy with him.”

Dennis Kucinich has bee telling reporters that he constantly expects wedgies around 10am from John Boehner.  At lunch time Harry Reid takes his lunch money, which could explain his small stature.  He’s been deprived of the rich nutrients milk brings to a young politician.  Swirlies are given every single time he goes to the bathroom by whoever may be in there at the moment.  All it takes is one person to subdue him face-first into the golden toilets Congress had installed last spring (more on the toilet habits of Congress later).  About this time, Kucinich calls his mommy and asks if he can go home early.  She reminds him that he is a “grown fucking man” and needs to stick it out.

Despite that fact, he still has stuck it out and been representing Ohio’s 10th district since 1997.  He probably should have given it up by now because his medical bills are mounting from the endless rips in his nether regions along with the constant facial reconstructive surgeries.  “Just because I’m bullied doesn’t mean I should give up.  I’ll never give up.  I’ll never surrender.  Galaxy Quest.  Good movie.”


About Rawful News
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