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WMD’s Found in Iraq. In a Public Library. Eek.


It's tough, but try and spot the WMD.

The term ‘weapons of mass destruction’ is a sensitive topic to many Americans.  To most, it’s reminiscent of the reason why the United States entered into an armed conflict with Iraq and has arguably sent this nation into a downward spiral ever since.  George W. Bush reasoned that Iraq was a major threat to the United States because they possessed and were hiding nuclear capabilities that could reach our far-off shores.  We sent in inspectors dozens of times searching countless places to find these “hidden nukes.”  But alas, since our invasion, these WMD’s have not been found.  Until now.

Nuclear missiles, dozens of them actually, have been found in the last place anyone would ever think to look.  A public library.  Yes, I know.  Crazy as shit.  But up until recently, all but one man had given up hope of ever finding the weapons.  Most had even come to the ridiculous conclusion that there were never any WMD’s in Iraq to begin with.  But not WMD hunter and most obstinate man in the world, Dick Van Dick.  Dick, who we’ll spotlight in a later issue, has spent the past eight years with his metal detector combing the Iraqi desert.

“I would have searched until hell froze over.  Or Iraq.  It’d probably be hell first because it is hot as shit in Iraq.  I mean people complain in the U.S. but wowzers is it hot here.”  In fact, the heat is how Dick happened upon the bombs in the first place.  After searching another one of the endless airplane hangers randomly placed around the country, he was extremely exhausted, dehydrated, and down-right frustrated.  In an attempt to get out of the heat he began a search for a place with air conditioning nearby to escape the heat.

“I saw two buildings in the distance so I approached them both.  One said ‘public library’ and the other seemed to be abandoned and had the words ‘rape house’ spray painted on the wall.  So I tried the rape house first.  But to no avail.  It was abandoned and smelled like nonconsensual sex.”  Dick then decided to sit out in the heat for a while because, let’s face it, nobody really wants to be in a public library.  “I tried to see if the internet had air conditioning but Google and Wikianswers only came up with a question mark.  Bing came up with the same thing but had a cooler background so I liked it more.  I eventually caved and entered the public library.”

Almost immediately he walked face first into the tip of a giant nuclear missile.  It actually chipped his tooth.  Upon further inspection, Dick concluded that it was indeed a WMD.  He eventually came across around thirty WMD’s scattered in and around the Iraqi public library.  Some were even just laid underneath trees outside of the public library scattered with some leaves and twigs to cover it.

So what are the repercussions for the Iraqi people?  The United States has decided to take away the democracy we have given them.  But more on that in our next issue…

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About Rawful News
I write satire and gossip. Check it out at http://www.rawfulnews.com/ Or Tweet me @Kendoggydog28

One Response to WMD’s Found in Iraq. In a Public Library. Eek.

  1. Barry says:

    Enjoyed reading through this, very good stuff, regards.

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