Happy Birthday President Barack Obama!

Blow out the candles!

Wow, can you believe it?  It feels like just yesterday our little President was just 49 years of age. Crazy.  Despite the median age for American men being 82 years old, the milestone of 50 feels as if it is directly the middle point of most people’s lives.  It is definitely the middle of his first term, and if the Republicans get their way, the middle of his entire Presidential career.  But for today, he can rest assured that August 4th is his day.  Or so he thought.

It seems that President Obama’s birthday has not been a success.  In fact, he spent most of it in his bedroom, reportedly crying like a little baby.  He was crying so heavily, that even John Boehner would be ashamed.  And that guy cries at everything.  Considering the current political climate and the amount of stress he must be under, as any American President feels at one time or another it is at the very least understandable the emotions coursing through his veins.  But the tears were not caused by anything from the political realm.  It was solely because of his birthday.
Apparently, President Obama had sent out a list of items he wanted for his birthday.  He had brought them up intermittently at press conferences, congressional hearings, in executive orders, and even during the appointment of Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor.   But for one reason or another, not one of those items was given to him.  It could be because everyone believed someone else would get him those items.  It could be because people forgot and waited until the last minute to buy presents.  Or it could be because they simply did not like President Obama and wanted to ruin his birthday because they were jealous.  All of these are plausible reasons.  But for whatever reason he still did not receive the Armani suit, the Prada handbag, or the last Beanie Baby Doll which would make his collection complete.
He quickly ripped open his presents, revealing firetrucks, a couple gag gifts like a roll of toilet paper and a piece of coal (at least we think they were gag gifts), and even a check from his grandma for $17.00.  She said it was less this year because she’s afraid her Social Security check will bounce.  But that’s neither here nor there.  When the final gift was opened, he still searched up and down, high and low, for his “other” presents.  Although there were no more presents.  He began searching frantically underneath tables and at one point he even ripped open Michelle Bachmann’s handbag as if she had kept them from him.  Just kidding.  She wasn’t invited.
After this, the President rushed to his room shouting off bitter nothings like “I wish I’d never been born!” and “I bet the Republicans get everything THEY want for THEIR birthdays!”  Quite childish indeed.  But it is his party.  And he legally can cry if he really wants to.  Nevertheless, we at Rawful News, want to wish President Barack Obama a very happy and healthy 50th Birthday!  May all your wishes come true.  Some day.


About Rawful News
I write satire and gossip. Check it out at Or Tweet me @Kendoggydog28

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