Wine Can Do More Than Just Make Your Heart Healthy.

Look how COOL she looks.

When most people hear a glass of wine a day, they think the beneficial effects it can have on your heart.  While this is true and has been proven in many different studies over the years that regular red wine drinkers have stronger hearts than those who abstain from it, a new study done exclusively by Rawful News, has shown some interesting results.  It has shown that along with a glass of red wine a day making your heart healthy, it can also make you the pretentious dick next door.

“Wine is good every now and again, but if you’re caught drinking it out of a large wine glass on a regular occasion you need to either be very, very French, own a winery, or be a pretentious dick,” so says wine scientist Mary LeCreme.  Just picture your neighbor drinking a glass of water every time you see them.  You wouldn’t think much of it.  Now replace that water with an oversized wine glass filled with red wine as they spin and sniff the tannins looking through the glass at the legs to check it’s alcoholic content.  They probably look like a complete douche bag.

In this study, 4 out of 5 Americans claimed that when people talk too deeply about different wines, they glaze over and simply nod to the fact that they do not give a crap.  That is an overwhelming majority, for those of you who are bad at math.

Your lifeline may grow by leaps and bounds with a glass of wine a day, but is it worth it to appear to everyone within a five hundred foot radius as the pretentious dick next door thereby losing all friends and any meaning of life?


About Rawful News
I write satire and gossip. Check it out at Or Tweet me @Kendoggydog28

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