Shushers Employed by the Federal Government.

Shut up freeway!

President Barack Obama put into place a stimulus package at the beginning of his time in office that would effectively use money to create jobs.  That money would be earned and spent on items thereby stimulating the economy and creating more jobs.  One of these was the ‘Cash for Clunkers’ program in which Americans received tax breaks for turning in their ‘clunkers’ and buying more fuel efficient cars.  It was a success in stimulating the auto-industry.

Now another batch of jobs has been created, this time in a much more unconventional way.  Forty-nine of the fifty states have been given enough money to pay one person per quarter mile of freeway to ‘shush’ traffic.  South Carolina is the only state excluded from this money because everyone has basically given up on them.

There are approximately 50,000 miles of highway in the United States and 14.9 million unemployed.  Math is hard so we had our math expert work on it and concluded that that’s around two hundred thousand jobs created.  It’s not a major dent in the unemployment rate, but it’s a start.

The complaints about the noise pollution around highways have become a major problem in the lives of many Americans who can afford to live further away but choose not to.  The noise has become a great nuisance and the complaints about said noise have been stacking on local politician’s desks despite the fact that there isn’t much that can be done about everyone always needing to drive everywhere.  So President Obama came up with a plan: shush the cars into submission.

Of course, just like everything the President has accomplished, there are nay-sayers.  These are also called Republicans.  Republicans say that they have a myriad of problems with this plan: It doesn’t take enough white people into account.  Democrats are behind it.  And finally, it confuses them.  So to sum it up, they just do not like it.

Will shushing cars really quiet the noise or simply exacerbate it?  Many passersby have begun honking for no apparent reason.  Also, shushing itself is a noise.  Covering up a noise with another noise is simply noisy.  Some people ask “Isn’t this stupid?”  To those people I have a question.  Is it?


About Rawful News
I write satire and gossip. Check it out at Or Tweet me @Kendoggydog28

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