Sony Ceo to fight every nerd until the hackings stop.


Firewalls be damned.  Sony has decided to put up a new line of defense against these incessant hackers.  But it is not the traditional method of fighting fire.  Instead of fighting fire with fire, it’s more like fighting fire with your fists.  Firewalls were not enough to halt the hackers.  Threats were not enough to halt the hackers.  Howard Stringer, Sony’s CEO, is hoping that he can cause these hackers to submit with brute force, something most gamers and hackers probably know nothing about.

For the past few months, Sony Playstation databases have been repeatedly hacked and had countless pieces of sensitive information stolen.  Since the first hacks, Stringer began taking mixed martial arts classes, otherwise known as MMA.  “I realized I needed more exercise after I looked at myself in the mirror naked and realized that my butt was in the shape of a desk chair.  That coupled with the hackings, it only made sense,” Stringer stated.

Stringer’s plan has already been put into effect as he has reportedly already kicked the asses of nineteen different nerds he has just seen on the streets.  “It’s been hard at first, because it’s become more difficult to tell who is a nerd and who is just dressing in nerd-chique clothing.  Black people for instance are very into nerd-chique but obviously I will never win in a fight against them.”  Very racist, but very true.  “Also, I’ve had to refrain from fighting everyone at work because, let’s face it, we are all nerdXcore.”

Even if Stringer fights every single nerd in the United States, we may never know exactly who hacked their systems.  But at least those nerds will have got what was coming to them: a noogie sandwich and a hertz donut.


About Rawful News
I write satire and gossip. Check it out at Or Tweet me @Kendoggydog28

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